Suck it

I have such a love hate with the pacifier. It is so good at pacifying, but so stupid looking I can hardly stand it. H would never go for one, and while frustrating to listen to her near constant crying for 3 months, I was happy that she didn't have one. She never went for her thumb either. Or any kind of blanket- Teddy is as close as it gets, and sometimes I feel I push that relationship. The closest it got with H was a little pink slipper she'd carry around. And now she sleeps with ear muffs every night, insisting that Teddy sleep in his own bed, while I cover my mouth to hold back telling her to practice what shes preaching.

S, on the other hand, is very much enamored of all things comforting. Of the monkey blanket, of the kitty, of the other kitty. And of the pacifier, which as far as I can tell is just called 'that'. We need to have the whole cast of characters at bed time.

Now that shes getting older I figured its high time to limit this "that" use. My original rules of pacifier (which lasted all of 5 minutes) was that it was to be used only for sleeping, and never leave the crib. But thats how they get you, those pacifier people, they just work so well that next thing you know their only allowed in the crib and the car. Then its the crib the car and the stroller. Then you add the shopping cart. Then you say screw it. Free reign pacifier, knock your self out.

I've started leaving the pacifier at home when we leave the house. Now this may seem to not be a big deal, but it feels like I'm playing with fire. S is a second child, so I don't care at all about the volume of her tantrum or what anybody thinks, but she has some physical tantruming. She tries to knock herself out of her misery and its all I can do to prevent it. She is hard to hold on to. Picture a fish, no, a shark, out of water. The flailing, the flapping, where a shark would be gnashing his teeth, S instead head butts. If not your head, her head. Any head will do. The only logical thing to do is to abandon the mission and leave where ever you are- but I'm too stubborn for this, and also can't bear to spend the time coming out a second time. My point here is that the pacifier often saves me- so the hardest one to wean from the pacifier it turns out is me.

We started a few days ago. I can relate to the lack of control a small person with no control has, so I tried to let her control not bringing the pacifier. Which of course isn't controlling at all. Smoke and mirrors. Thats how I run this operation. After S woke up Id say, "ok! Put the paci back to bed- Bye paci!" And she'd put it in her crib, I'd give her a high five, she looked proud. This was all going very well- I even made the mistake of thinking 'wow- not so bad after all.' Well, then she realized what it meant for her to put the paci back to bed- and our walk down stairs in the morning became challenging. Me having had no coffee, and trying to avoid being head butted and falling down the stairs.

Then theres the crying all day. For the last two mornings I have had to force S out of the house to drop H at school. After forcing her shoes and coat on. I don't know if this is pacifier related or not. Yesterday morning she asked for ice cream, when I said she couldn't have any she had her shark tantrum for 45 minutes. I timed it. Today S asked again for ice cream, but accepted that she couldn't have any. Instead she asked for a banana on the way out the door. I said no- (it only takes one time to learn the banana mushed in the car seat lesson) but then said fine ok after the freak out. When handed the banana she threw it across the room. (J said, maybe thats why she wanted it?)

Its a work in progress. One day at a time.