Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Craft Hell

I am going to pulverize glitter, shave pipe cleaners, rip stickers into tiny pieces, eat the glue, melt the crayons, dry out the markers. I have just had it up to HERE with craft projects imposed on me by books and TV. There's a... suggestion? a how -to? something, on Noggin about how to make a Ni Hao, Kai Lan pillow. While I love that there's a show that teaches mandarin and Chinese culture,- my problem here is with the pillow.

First of all, I do have a TON on craft supplies at the ready, and my own studio supplies that I've had to tap into, but this particular pillow needs fleece (which i actually have, but not red, therefore I may as well not have any at all) and fabric glue, which I don't have, BESIDES which, I really doubt fabric glue will hold a pillow together, especially in this house of jumping pulling and tearing. I even have pillow stuffing. I even have a sewing machine. I have cool metallic thread. But no, I have to make the crap ass noggin glued pillow. Except I can't make the pillow as I don't have the red fleece and the glue. Or the will. Well, this just won't do and major whining and crying ensued.

We diffuse H's pillow drama, and she pulls out a book made by the cheerio people that tells you how to make (frankly, ridiculous) crafts using cheerios. (And recipes, which are good.) H want to make a pencil holder from this book which involves a soup can, construction paper, pom poms, pipe cleaners, and cheerios. I actually have all these things- but, hello, soup cans are sharp once they don't have soup in them anymore. In frantic get this craft DONE mode I decide, I should duct tape the lid to make it not sharp. Well that was a pain in the ass. The glue wouldn't stick, my warnings of cheerios not long for this world in this house went unheeded- if the dogs don't eat your cheerios craft S will. Which is what happened. S ate all the cheerios I pulled out to be glued, there was a tirade, but then H and S both were distracted by some heart shaped lollipops that their grandmother slipped into the brown bags of fruit she always gives them when we leave her house.

I was so thrilled to be done with trying to make this stupid craft work, I was fine with candy in front of the tv. And, speaking of tv, how awesome for Ian Falconer that Olivia is now a show. I'm not bitter, why would I be, I haven't even written a book yet. Because I am too busy arguing about fabric glue or gluing cheerios to soup cans.

Ok, we don't watch TV with commercials in this house, (well, the big we's do, but the wee we's don't) but because I was curious about the Olivia show, we're watching a channel with commercials and now H knows about Dora on ice.

1 comment:

Left of Ordinary said...

Joining you in craft hell. sizzle, sizzle.