During the summer, H spends Wednesdays with my mom. This summer, S will too. Today was the first of the summer Wednesdays. My slight uneasiness of how S would do, and how my mother would do, was trumped by my near giddiness at the idea of a day to myself. I spent a lot of it being overwhelmed, and thinking I should be doing something other than what I was doing, despite telling myself that kind of thinking is an energy drain. Despite making a serious effort to convince myself that what I should be doing is whatever it is I am doing today. So what did I do? I went to Ross. But I hurried. I sat in my studio and stared at the walls. I went through a stack of papers. I made a few lists. I had a sandwich. This may have been the highlight of my afternoon- to make and eat a sandwich with out jumping up to stop ten things from happening. I went back into the studio, decided I was going to print something I didn't care what. I couldn't find any plates that weren't huge. I didn't want to print anything huge. I need to order more huge paper. Instead of taking studio inventory and cleaning out my flat files, I decided to indulge this sewing bug thats crawled in my head. My thread kept breaking- I'd forgotten I had the machine set to zig zag and spent some time ripping out thread. This is not productive! I mentally screamed at myself. I went to the grocery store, excited for a trip alone, but slinking a little because I made it a rule, broken on the first day, that I wouldn't go grocery shopping or do any house maintaining on "my time". Then I came home and re broke that rule by making dinner.
The girls did fine at my mothers house. My mother did fine, too- I assume because it makes me feel better. If she wasn't fine she'd never admit it anyway. The girls are in bed- I'm sitting on the porch being eaten by mosquitoes but enjoying the fireflies. I'm listening to the ice cream trucks richocheting around the streets, sounding like they're closing in. They're out in force to make up for all the rainy nights we've had lately. Thinking I should take the trash out. Just another Wednesday.