Wednesday, March 4, 2009


Today, in the car, (which together with the shower is most thought provoking place for me these days), I had a sudden jolting thought that caused me to gasp out loud: I've never made a decision. Actually, my exact thought was I think I've never made a decision. Case in point.

By decision I mean Decision, not all the little ones, like what to have for breakfast, although those can be hard too.

Decision. As in I'm behind the wheel of this life of mine, but I haven't been the one driving.

This could be why I tell myself I'm a believer in fate and superstition.

I've always been irritated by my indecisiveness, but (I think) it has been really screwing with me. My fear of failure and fear of success has me in this ridiculous tango where I always go for the lowest common denominator and then am disgruntled for existing below my potential. Resulting in constant angst.

No decision is a decision and this is what is makes things complicated.

I need to start actively deciding.
I think.

1 comment:

Katydid said...

This is a family trait, I think.