Today at Trader Joes, a woman holding a child asked me if my daughter was adopted.
"No. She isn't" I said.
"Oh. We adopted Kaily from China."
Here are somethings I didn't say:
"Good for you"
"What the fuck?"
"How long have you had her?" I really wanted to say that, just as point of conversation, but it seemed like the wrong thing to say somehow. Like I was asking about a car. Although in retrospect I don't know why I was worried about offending her. I felt cold, short in my answer. Like I should elaborate.
She asked me this in the chocolate/cookie aisle. Instead of saying anything more I reached for the pound of chocolate with almonds bar. And then threw the lemon chocolate cookie tub in my cart too. For emphasis.
I didn't know what to say. She was reaching out, she probably has adopted babies on her radar. It must be hard to adopt a baby, I have a lot of repespect for those who do. Its just that I didn't. I don't notice it, but I supose S doesn't look like me at all. I am not sure why, but it hurts me when people ask me this. My heart cries out "can't you tell?"
Its much better than comments made in the past, such as "Where is that baby from?" I am waiting for that phrasing again so I can use my "my uterus" answer.
I never got this with H. It shocks me every time I hear it about S. Yes, they're my babies. Just as Kaily from China is her baby. I hope she went back for some chocolate too.