All grows up

S and I have both survived her first day of school. S insisted on carrying her own backpack and lunch box. The irony here is that I have to beg H to carry her backpack and lunch box, but for some reason I try to carry S's around- she won't have any of it. All of a sudden S looks so big to me. She carries her own bag. She opens her own granola bars. She doesn't want to take a nap. Even though she needs one. I gave her a hug today and she said "Stop, Mommy!" She then grinned and hugged me but still. I didn't like hearing that.

H is looking so grown up these days too. I am not sure what is going on. How is it that I am shocked every time my kids grow? What am I an idiot? Of course they're going to grow.

H is entering an endearing...um... how shall I say... snarky/flippant stage. She now says about a thousand times a day- "Um.. hel-LOOO? Knock knock? Anyone home?" complete with teenaged eye roll and sigh. She does the whole thing in response to EVERYTHING. For example, "Why is there a PENCIL on the BED?! Ummm.... Hel-LOOO!? Knock knock? Anyone HOME?" Sigh, hair flip.

S. School. Tomorrow

S starts school tomorrow. Monkey can't come. I know its going to be good for her- but its kind of making me nauseous right now. Its just 3 hours. Its just 2 days. She made me pull my hair out all the live long day today. Must go fret about it and try not to. My baby.

This pretty much sums them up

Transitional Wednesday

During the summer, H spends Wednesdays with my mom. This summer, S will too. Today was the first of the summer Wednesdays. My slight uneasiness of how S would do, and how my mother would do, was trumped by my near giddiness at the idea of a day to myself. I spent a lot of it being overwhelmed, and thinking I should be doing something other than what I was doing, despite telling myself that kind of thinking is an energy drain. Despite making a serious effort to convince myself that what I should be doing is whatever it is I am doing today. So what did I do? I went to Ross. But I hurried. I sat in my studio and stared at the walls. I went through a stack of papers. I made a few lists. I had a sandwich. This may have been the highlight of my afternoon- to make and eat a sandwich with out jumping up to stop ten things from happening. I went back into the studio, decided I was going to print something I didn't care what. I couldn't find any plates that weren't huge. I didn't want to print anything huge. I need to order more huge paper. Instead of taking studio inventory and cleaning out my flat files, I decided to indulge this sewing bug thats crawled in my head. My thread kept breaking- I'd forgotten I had the machine set to zig zag and spent some time ripping out thread. This is not productive! I mentally screamed at myself. I went to the grocery store, excited for a trip alone, but slinking a little because I made it a rule, broken on the first day, that I wouldn't go grocery shopping or do any house maintaining on "my time". Then I came home and re broke that rule by making dinner.

The girls did fine at my mothers house. My mother did fine, too- I assume because it makes me feel better. If she wasn't fine she'd never admit it anyway. The girls are in bed- I'm sitting on the porch being eaten by mosquitoes but enjoying the fireflies. I'm listening to the ice cream trucks richocheting around the streets, sounding like they're closing in. They're out in force to make up for all the rainy nights we've had lately. Thinking I should take the trash out. Just another Wednesday.

Dan Koo and wa ca ca

S has been thanking me. A lot. I know it seems odd to complain about your childs manners- and yes I am thankful that she says thanks you, its very endearing- but shes starting to say it about everything and I feel its creating the illusion that she never gets anything, which of course is not true. When I buckle her car seat, "Dan koo, Mommy" as if I usually don't strap her in. If I give her a drink of water. If I hold her hand. Definitely if I give her the pacifier. If I ask H to hand S something, "dan koo H." S will repeat her thanks yous, louder and a little more violently each time, until you say "your welcome, S." I haven't figure out a way to explain that loudly growling/snarling DAN! KOO! MOMMY! kind of cancels out the original sweet dan koo. And when S does something nice, she waits for her thank you and gives a little over the shoulder glance, smiles a little smirk and says "wa ca ca, Mommy"

Craftin' it up oldskool

H and I made Sculpey necklaces today. I smell a new obsession.

And the living is easy

Well, not really, but I think I have embraced our summertime lack of schedule. I can get used to this not bolting out of bed and out the door stuff. I will get used to it and have transition melt down again when its time to switch back to our scheduled life- but I'll try to not dwell on that.

Today is the first day in a while that it hasn't rained (so far, and I don't think its supposed to) but H woke up with a fever. We were supposed to meet some friends at the arboretum, they cancelled due to illness- we were going to go anyway...but. I told H yesterday that if it didn't rain we could go- she just remembered and got excited to go from her subdued state on the couch. I told her we should take it easy today since she's not feeling well "I DON'T WANT TO TAKE IT EASY! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? OOOOoooooooHHHHH!" Might be a long day. Might be a good day for a craft.

I have been abstaining from craft lately, under the misguided theory that anything crafty/creative would take from my "real" work. I have been stifling the dresses I want to make, the blankets I want to knit, the tiles I want to learn to fire, the jewelry I want to make, the house I want to paint, thinking that by oppressing my creativity, I'd just HAVE to get up to the studio and print. Printing is hard right now, it feels like work, like real work. Usually I am clamoring to get into the studio and will jump hurdles to get in there. Now I avert my eyes as I walk past the door to my studio. I'm having trouble differentiating between outlet and avoidance. Thus the craft cut off. But then I find myself nauseous with envy at all the people I know creating beautiful things. Yesterday, after I caught myself mass producing beads out of Sculpy, I decided to release the hounds of creativity. I went to a stitch and bitch a friend of mine started, as of yesterday, and actually did equal parts stitching and bitching- started sewing a felted cashmere rabbit I've been thinking about for some time. I am hoping the rivers of creativity will flow into an ocean which will carry me up to the studio willingly. Soon. I feel it.

In the meantime, the girls and I will craft like theres no tomorrow. And try to take it easy.