How can someone who has been up all night and then all the way up and out of bed at 5 be in a good mood? I would love to find out so I can replicate this feat. I was up most of the night, and then out of bed at 7 and am not particularly pleasant, and J was up most of the night and up at 5 and was most definitely not pleasant at all. So, how does the sleepless monster do it? And I suppose a why would be in order. Todays sleepless monster is S. H had her sleepless moments, believe me, but she is now a champion sleeper. H never napped, even as a newborn. She didn't sleep through the night until after she was a year old. I've blocked it out, but I'm pretty sure is was way after a year old, maybe closer to 2. H's sleeplessness hit us hard because we were not already exhausted by one child when she came along. We were used to leisurely mornings and sleeping late if we stayed up too late. I am not even asking for that- I would just like to sleep for some consecutive hours.
This is on my mind largely because we have been getting more sleep in the last few weeks thanks to the generosity of our family. J's parents get up with the girls whenever they're here or we're there, my mom had them sleep over her house. I was actually well rested on new years eve day, the girls had slept over at my mothers house the night before and I felt so sharp, so awake- it was making me nervous, actually. I kept thinking, whats wrong with me? Whats with this energy? Then it hit me, I had gotten to sleep the night before, all the way through the night- and had woken up when I was ready to, not jolted awake by the chainsaw yell of S- which is how I'm woken up most mornings. (She really does sound like a chainsaw. Once they were doing some work on trees down the street while S was napping, and I went up to get her- she was sound asleep. It was the chainsaws I heard.)
I have been functioning exhausted for so long now, and I know I'm not alone in this, that its the new normal. Well, not that new- but I'm still working on what it means to feel like you're on speed when in reality you have gotten a night sleep. I probably won't have to worry about that for a while.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Stinky guilt
I am so full from too much pizza and cake at a birthday party we took H to tonight. We went back and forth about going, H has had a fever off and on for the last few days- but she was fever free since the morning, and we were all really housebound- so off we went. H was tired, not herself and I worried I'd made the wrong choice in going to this party. I'm still not sure.
J's parents stayed over last night- which was nice because J and got to go out (2nd time this week!) and they woke up with the girls this morning- J and I slept in until 1o. I am ever so slightly racked with guilt, though. After J and I got home last night, we still wanted to talk and weren't quite ready for bed, so since J's mom was asleep on the couch, we took 2 beers upstairs to our bedroom. Except we didn't just take them up, we snuck them up. Who wants to try and explain to one's mother (or worse ones mother in law) why they are taking beer up to the bedroom- what is this? Are we 18? (This is very telling that I think this is 18 year old behavior- especially since I edited myself and the original age I was thinking of was 16.) I kept saying to to 'we're almost 40! What are we doing?' First of all, we have a few years until we're 40- I'm not going to say 'almost' again until a few days before my 40th birthday. Secondly, what they hell does it matter? It was fun to hang out with my husband and feel like a kid again, and if that means talking and drinking beer in ones bedroom with sleeping parents in the house, so be it.
The guilt I have is not so much about that, but that the girls woke up at 2- and I didn't hear them. I wouldn't have believed this possible- I heard them when they woke up at 1, and got up with them then- but apparently my mother in law was up with them from 2:30 until 3:30. Then, because my mother in law is guilt and martyrdom impersonated, she told me three times this morning how H kept saying she only wanted me, and kept calling for her mommy, and that S was screaming ("and I mean screaming!") While I am a bit frustrated that I wasn't there for H, I am glad my mother in law was. I did explain to H that J and I were going out that that Dado (what she calls her grandmother) would be there if she woke up. Yes, I did apparently need the sleep. I like to think I would have woken up if my mother in law weren't here. I am there every night- but can't all the way quiet the nagging voice that has been reminding me I wasn't there last night.
In other news, today S started announcing that shes stinky when she needs a diaper change. I hadn't realized it, but when ever I think shes pooped I ask "Are you stinky?" Its very cute, she points at her backside, gives a stern look and says "Stinky."
J's parents stayed over last night- which was nice because J and got to go out (2nd time this week!) and they woke up with the girls this morning- J and I slept in until 1o. I am ever so slightly racked with guilt, though. After J and I got home last night, we still wanted to talk and weren't quite ready for bed, so since J's mom was asleep on the couch, we took 2 beers upstairs to our bedroom. Except we didn't just take them up, we snuck them up. Who wants to try and explain to one's mother (or worse ones mother in law) why they are taking beer up to the bedroom- what is this? Are we 18? (This is very telling that I think this is 18 year old behavior- especially since I edited myself and the original age I was thinking of was 16.) I kept saying to to 'we're almost 40! What are we doing?' First of all, we have a few years until we're 40- I'm not going to say 'almost' again until a few days before my 40th birthday. Secondly, what they hell does it matter? It was fun to hang out with my husband and feel like a kid again, and if that means talking and drinking beer in ones bedroom with sleeping parents in the house, so be it.
The guilt I have is not so much about that, but that the girls woke up at 2- and I didn't hear them. I wouldn't have believed this possible- I heard them when they woke up at 1, and got up with them then- but apparently my mother in law was up with them from 2:30 until 3:30. Then, because my mother in law is guilt and martyrdom impersonated, she told me three times this morning how H kept saying she only wanted me, and kept calling for her mommy, and that S was screaming ("and I mean screaming!") While I am a bit frustrated that I wasn't there for H, I am glad my mother in law was. I did explain to H that J and I were going out that that Dado (what she calls her grandmother) would be there if she woke up. Yes, I did apparently need the sleep. I like to think I would have woken up if my mother in law weren't here. I am there every night- but can't all the way quiet the nagging voice that has been reminding me I wasn't there last night.
In other news, today S started announcing that shes stinky when she needs a diaper change. I hadn't realized it, but when ever I think shes pooped I ask "Are you stinky?" Its very cute, she points at her backside, gives a stern look and says "Stinky."
Friday, January 2, 2009
Oh what a night
I know there will come a time when I long for the days the girls would crawl into bed with us, and we all were packed like sardines that kick like mules. I also know that this morning I certainly do not long for this in the near future. Yesterday I said I could have a day like I did for the rest of the year. If I have a night like I had last night for the rest of the year I am in big big trouble. And so will be the filth mouth of my offspring. I have done a reasonably fantastic, if I do say so, job of containing my expletives to when the girls are asleep or somewhere else. All bets are off in the middle of the night though.
And, S, what is with the constantly slamming me in the refrigerator door? It is completely maddening- made more maddening when you laugh at me when I angrily (and this morning colorfully) tell you to stop.
And, S, what is with the constantly slamming me in the refrigerator door? It is completely maddening- made more maddening when you laugh at me when I angrily (and this morning colorfully) tell you to stop.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Happy New Year!
I read the Mutts comic strip in the paper this morning and it said something to the effect that what you do the first day of the year is what you'll do all year long. I've never heard that before and it caused me some agita. In the comic strip the dog (or cat I don't remember) was eating and he was fine with doing that all year. Survival and all. I found myself worrying all day though, if things hit a snag- they way they do all day, at least for me, Oh no! My whole 2009 is going to be full of tantrums! Full of dogs getting into the trash! Full of nit picking and nay saying! And, it probably will be. I'm going to turn this half empty bus around though and tell you some half full stories. We spent the day with friends and family. We ate all my favorite foods: chocolate, cheese, salmon, olives, AND had wine and coffee. J woke up with the girls and let me sleep. I didn't worry too much (I know I worried about this day being everyday, but thats superstition, not worry. I didn't worry about taxes, or how many ideas are in my head that aren't on paper, about the endless things to do, that the house is a mess, I didn't worry about any of that. Too much. Until maybe now.) The girls were good to each other, asking after each other, checking in or each other. Making each other laugh. I could have this day for the rest of the year.
I would change a few things, of course. I didn't get the dogs out for a walk, didn't do any work. (Ok, enough with that. Does anyone work on New Years day? I'm on the 364 more days like this thing) And, H had a mystery fever that came out of nowhere and seems to have gone just as quickly. I don't want her to not feel well for the rest of the year. She put herself to bed in the afternoon (unheard of), and asked for some Gatorade- insisted on going to my moms house for dinner, as was the plan, and lay down there (unheard of) and then was fever-less and back to her energetic loud self.
2009. H will start kindergarten this year. She'll turn 5, and S 2. I WILL get my website up and updateable. I WILL do more work. Those aren't resolutions, I don't do that.
To quote my sister on the subject of 2009, bring it!
I would change a few things, of course. I didn't get the dogs out for a walk, didn't do any work. (Ok, enough with that. Does anyone work on New Years day? I'm on the 364 more days like this thing) And, H had a mystery fever that came out of nowhere and seems to have gone just as quickly. I don't want her to not feel well for the rest of the year. She put herself to bed in the afternoon (unheard of), and asked for some Gatorade- insisted on going to my moms house for dinner, as was the plan, and lay down there (unheard of) and then was fever-less and back to her energetic loud self.
2009. H will start kindergarten this year. She'll turn 5, and S 2. I WILL get my website up and updateable. I WILL do more work. Those aren't resolutions, I don't do that.
To quote my sister on the subject of 2009, bring it!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
And we're back
8:20 on new years eve, and I'm ready for bed just about. Its become a new years thing for us to have a dinner of appetizers on fancy plates with candles. It used to be fondue, but that just got too stressful, what with the open flame and hot molten cheese. Now we have our cheese in solid form and our flames out of reach. This new years we had some friends over which was just so nice. Far too often I embark on creating this bizzaro spread that is too much for us to eat, and I want it to look nice even though I am the only one in this house that cares (H is a quick study, however, I think next year she will be right there with my crazy new year invite only exclusive appetizer party. Watch out, Diddy) But the food has been eaten, left overs put away- friends left and girls in bed. I'm done. Tomorrow we'll go to my mothers house for her new traditional new years day dinner of hoppin' John. She says its good luck to eat black eyes peas on new years day, and who am I to disagree?
Picked up the girls from my moms house around noon- S was making high pitched guinea pig shrieks she was so happy to see me, which was very nice, if strange. H, so quickly to suggest I not let the door hit me in the ass on the way out yesterday, buried her head in me and said 'I just want to go home." Ha! So there universe. And absence does make the heart SO fonder. We pretty much picked up where we left off- we stopped at the grocery store on the way home to get more stuff for our new years party, and this was before we knew anyone would be coming. I wanted to get shrimp, and H said "and celery! We need celery!" I am not a big fan of the celery, but I'm all about requesting a vegetable. Once in the store, S grabbed a bag of grapes upside down and they rolled all over the produce department. 3 very nice men helped us collect the grapes. One said to H, 'kinda like an easter egg hunt' Odd thing to say, right? I liked it though. Frazzled from the grape escapade, I asked H to just grab some celery. At the check out I see she got organic celery that was brown. And 4 dollars. But she did eat a lot of it. And I'm sure as hell not going to.
Picked up the girls from my moms house around noon- S was making high pitched guinea pig shrieks she was so happy to see me, which was very nice, if strange. H, so quickly to suggest I not let the door hit me in the ass on the way out yesterday, buried her head in me and said 'I just want to go home." Ha! So there universe. And absence does make the heart SO fonder. We pretty much picked up where we left off- we stopped at the grocery store on the way home to get more stuff for our new years party, and this was before we knew anyone would be coming. I wanted to get shrimp, and H said "and celery! We need celery!" I am not a big fan of the celery, but I'm all about requesting a vegetable. Once in the store, S grabbed a bag of grapes upside down and they rolled all over the produce department. 3 very nice men helped us collect the grapes. One said to H, 'kinda like an easter egg hunt' Odd thing to say, right? I liked it though. Frazzled from the grape escapade, I asked H to just grab some celery. At the check out I see she got organic celery that was brown. And 4 dollars. But she did eat a lot of it. And I'm sure as hell not going to.
Pie and plain shirts
The house is so quiet- I am waiting for the coffee to brew (so I can have a cup and turn on my brain) so I can call my mom and see how the girls did last night.
Since they've been away I've gone shopping, walked the dogs, went out to dinner, (that I was actually able to get ready for- makeup AND hair brushing with out disturbance), slept until 8:30 and then read in bed, am sitting at the table almost drinking coffee and am about to have pie for breakfast. I feel like I'm walking underwater, everything slows down with out the girls here to need all the things they need- while it is very nice for a morning, I am very happy they'll be home in a few hours.
So do I call and disrupt my peaceful underwater feeling? Then feel guilty if the sleep over was really an awake over?
***
Mom said that aside from when S woke up in the middle of the night and my mother lay awake for a long time thinking "wow, someones cat is really getting wounded"- that it went really well. After apologizing to S for letting her lay there yowling, S went back to bed, and the two little stinkers slept until 7:30. I spoke to both girls on the phone, which is always a bit weird, they sound so different on the phone. S was putting the phone on both of her kitties, so I said good morning to them as well. While I was talking to my mom, H decided to get dressed, and I heard the horror of her discovering I had packed a PLAIN shirt for her to wear. Under her rainbow striped sweater- I'm not a total idiot. I heard her say "But what if I take my sweater OFF?" My mom says to me "Mommy! What were you thinking!" and then "What a serious lapse!" I told her to put a sticker on it, then I said goodbye, I'm going to go eat pie now.
Since they've been away I've gone shopping, walked the dogs, went out to dinner, (that I was actually able to get ready for- makeup AND hair brushing with out disturbance), slept until 8:30 and then read in bed, am sitting at the table almost drinking coffee and am about to have pie for breakfast. I feel like I'm walking underwater, everything slows down with out the girls here to need all the things they need- while it is very nice for a morning, I am very happy they'll be home in a few hours.
So do I call and disrupt my peaceful underwater feeling? Then feel guilty if the sleep over was really an awake over?
***
Mom said that aside from when S woke up in the middle of the night and my mother lay awake for a long time thinking "wow, someones cat is really getting wounded"- that it went really well. After apologizing to S for letting her lay there yowling, S went back to bed, and the two little stinkers slept until 7:30. I spoke to both girls on the phone, which is always a bit weird, they sound so different on the phone. S was putting the phone on both of her kitties, so I said good morning to them as well. While I was talking to my mom, H decided to get dressed, and I heard the horror of her discovering I had packed a PLAIN shirt for her to wear. Under her rainbow striped sweater- I'm not a total idiot. I heard her say "But what if I take my sweater OFF?" My mom says to me "Mommy! What were you thinking!" and then "What a serious lapse!" I told her to put a sticker on it, then I said goodbye, I'm going to go eat pie now.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
A break
The girls are sleeping over at my moms house tonight. J and I went out to dinner with some friends, which was a luxury. My feet hurt, because I wore real shoes that have heels. I have been wearing my slippers way too much, and way too out of the house. I do think they shouldn't cross the threshold to the outside, except maybe to get the paper, so I went and got some shoes that are just like my slippers. Except I call them shoes.
H couldn't get rid of me fast enough today, was so ready for her sleep over. This actually doesn't bother me, maybe because I was so ready for her sleep over too. I was driving away from my moms house after dropping the girls off, I felt so light- stopping where ever I wanted, running into a store for one thing! I even parked half way between two stores and went to both of them! I walked into a store, hey, look at me, I'm shopping solo, look out. Then I saw a mother with her daughter about H's age, and I was sad. A little. I missed the girls, it had only been 20 minutes. The girl proceeded to be a pain in the ass in the store, as is the nature of 4 yr old girls clothes shopping with their mothers and I missed them a smidgen less.
H couldn't get rid of me fast enough today, was so ready for her sleep over. This actually doesn't bother me, maybe because I was so ready for her sleep over too. I was driving away from my moms house after dropping the girls off, I felt so light- stopping where ever I wanted, running into a store for one thing! I even parked half way between two stores and went to both of them! I walked into a store, hey, look at me, I'm shopping solo, look out. Then I saw a mother with her daughter about H's age, and I was sad. A little. I missed the girls, it had only been 20 minutes. The girl proceeded to be a pain in the ass in the store, as is the nature of 4 yr old girls clothes shopping with their mothers and I missed them a smidgen less.
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