Calling it as she sees it

This is the getup H wore to meeting last week.
The fact that the shirt is too small is the least of it, but its what I thought was my strongest argument to get her to change "But H! This shirt is size 3! You are 4, much much older than 3. Maybe you'd like to wear this size 4 shirt that makes you look so tall" Nope- she'd have none of it. The whole outfit was built around the shirt, I should have known not to choose the shirt as my ensemble changing strategy. I pick my battles, and I don't care what H wears, for the most part- and yes there is a large part of my non-conformist self that swells with pride at her fashion sense. But to go to meeting, I argued with her. Until, that is, she looked me square in the eye and said "Mom. I'm beautiful." We got in the car.

Come into the darkness

H just drew a picture of a rainbow with a yellow sun in the middle. At first I didn't see the sun, you know, the yellow crayon thing- After she pointed it out to me, I said "Oh! Its hard to see in this light." Without missing a beat, H leads me to our dark staircase- "well come into the dark so I can show you" I couldn't see the drawing at all, just Hs face looking at me expectantly.

Dogs and kids

This is why I love dogs. Because when I jump up and yell in excitement that the first bird seed wreath I intend to give those even mildly interested in birds for Christmas actually came out of its mold, the dogs jump up and down with me and seem genuinely excited. My four year old daughter says "mom this is boring, I want to watch a movie." Already with this shit?! And THEN she didn't want to get her HANDS dirty! Who is this kid?

Oh yes I did just compare my kids to my dogs.

As time goes on I care less and less about a) what people think and b) what it means that I often treat my children like puppies. Before I had kids, I really did worry whether I would love them as much as the dogs. I even worried if I'd think my babies were as cute as puppies! (Needless to say, I do and did)

I read somewhere that an adult dog has the understanding and behavior of a 2 year old child. I'm not sure I buy that- now that I'm on my second 2 year old, I think the kids are smarter than the dogs. I do know my kids are kids and my dogs are dogs- the kids don't wear leashes, the dogs don't eat at the table- I can't say the kids don't eat out of the dog bowls, but I can say that's not where their dinner is served.

That said, there is some overlapping

1) I whistle for my kids (and my husband) in a crowd the same way I do the dogs. It works.
2) "reward the behavior you want" the dogs don't get the treat until they sit, neither do the kids.
3) I have often wished I had one of those treat cubes for the kids. These are recommended for dogs with separation anxiety, a treat is put inside a maze cube, and the dog pushes it around and works to get it out, and is therefore distracted from whatever its upset about. I have thought about getting one for them, but it kind of crosses the imaginary 'whats ok in my mind' line. This goes back to the kids smarter than dogs thing, too.
4) When H was a baby, I managed to silence the room in our mothers group get together by suggesting one of the moms shop at a pet store to find more of the squeaky toy her daughter was happily gnawing on.
5) Yes, I've played fetch with the kids.

Curious George on art

Curious George is on this morning, my indicator that i have 15 minutes to get out the door.
this morning, on CG a man wanted to by some art- when asked what kind of art he liked he says "look at me, look at my lobby! I'm unique! I like art thats unique like everything else!" brilliant. And now I have 12 minutes or so to make lunch and the rest.

My guitar gently weeps

I wish I were more musical. Or musical in the least. In middle school, I signed up for band, wanting badly to play the flute. I was told my teeth were too crooked and my mouth was wrong for some reason, and so was assigned the clarinet. I played the clarinet poorly and briefly. I wanted to play more, but all I had the music for was King Williams March. I sought out cool clarinet music, but didn't find any. (was there any "cool flute music?) I'm sure its out there, but Metallica didn't have any clarinets, nor did Def Leppard. Or Duran Duran or B52s for that matter. (I had quite the varied musical taste.) It was the 80s, I should have played sax. Anyway, eventually I tired of King Williams March, and so I quit band. I am not really sure why we only played one song. this could be an instance where a different instructor may have changed my clarinet destiny.

A few years later, my mother started taking classes in flamenco guitar playing. (This wanting to be a musician thing must be hereditary- my mother continues to not play an instrument, to my knowledge) The guy who taught her class told her about a man he knew in a small town in Mexico who made really good guitars (except for when he was on a bender, which would delay production.) She bought one for herself, and had one made for me as well. I was very excited, even though I wanted an electric guitar. I started taking lessons after school, was hungry to learn to play anything I recognized. Apparently the guitar teacher was of the same one song mind as the band teacher so I learned Edelweiss. I even played it at some school event. I begged the teacher to teach me anything else. Black Sabbath! Led Zepelin! He gave me the music for a Neil Diamond song I'd never heard of.

I recently go that guitar back from my mom. She has been dragging this guitar around with her for the last 18 years (ouch, I just did the math) It has moved around Mexico, Texas, drove across country, been in storage. The case is falling apart, the guitar slightly cracked, and endearingly crooked in its assembly.

I've been thinking of my non-musical-ity because we are getting a guitar for H for Christmas. There was much back and forth, and I'm still not sure its right. J plays guitar, bass, and has built one of each. He has the musical ear I so covet. Hopefully the girls got those genes. We took her to a guitar store to gauge her reaction, and she was pretty excited. She also confirmed my suspicions that no plain boring wood colored guitar would (wood, ha!) do. Must be either fuchsia or purple.

Do I want H to play guitar because I don't? Because I plan to teach myself while teaching her? Maybe. Is that so bad?

I dressed myself today

This morning, H came down to breakfast her usual disheveled just woken up self. She got a sly look on her face, and said "I have to go upstairs for a couple bit. Don't come up." I think, shit. This means shes going to get dressed by herself, and I know the clothes I deem suitable for school are in the bottom of a laundry basket in my room. I go upstairs under the guise of changing S's diaper, and am met with huffing, puffing, arms tightly folded and an irritated grumpy face. "Mom! You RUINED your surprise! Go Down STAIRS!!!" I casually put out the red snowman shirt on her bed and walk away. She comes down PROUD as can be in the red snowman shirt, and pale pink pants with spring time flowers on them. NOW. Let me tell you how I feel about this particular combination of pink and red. I hate it. I beyond hate it. Its nails on the chalkboard for me- my friends in high school knew this, most people I know knows this about me. That's how insane I am to go around talking about how much I hate the combo of bright red and pale pink. I grit my teeth and tell her she looks beautiful. But oh man is it hard. She has the trademark mismatched socks (socks mismatched since 2005) "... today's sock colors ARE.... "she announced while riffling through her sock drawer"... PURPLE AND TURQUOISE!") Then she found a pink ribbon and asked me to braid it into her hair. A friend of mine told me about friends of hers, and I wish I could give credit where credit is due, who made up buttons for their kids that say "I dressed myself today" I need to go about getting some of those.

How deep does my disorganization run?

This is not really a question, I know the answer is as deep as there is.
Today I am even more of a whirling dervish than usual- whirling to nowhere scattering half accomplished projects along the way.

It used to be that nothing would or could happen until I poured myself a cup of coffee in the morning. Today, before I made it to the coffee pot, which is set automatically to brew at 6:30, I showered, got myself dressed (albeit in the dark in a lot of what i wore yesterday) got girls dressed, brushed hair and teeth, found teddy, found monkey, fielded questions such as "how did God make my skin?" (Uh.. with cells. Not bad for pre-coffee) got a 'balala' for S, put waffles in the toaster, poured cereal into bowls for the girls, making sure everyone has the requisite color bowl, and matching or not matching utensil. Moved towards the coffee pot.. bark! Ruby needs to go out. Come back from letting Ruby out, H has finished her cereal and wants her waffle. We're out of syrup so have been using honey on the waffles but its so... slow.... coming.. out.. of... the... bottle.... COFFEE!!! Ahh! Ruby needs to come back in! The cat is yowling at her dish! Now Mayo needs to go out. The FISH are staring at me! I finally pour a cup of coffee, have one sip and sit down, as soon as my butt hits the chair the girls are up, needing help getting down from the table, wanting to watch tv. Then I hear mayo clawing the door to come in. And yes, banana, cereal and waffles for breakfast, and the little one is STILL clamoring for more. I make Hs lunch for school, S wants the bread, the cheese, the yogurt. I give her some yogurt of her own. I clean out the fridge since its trash day and it smells like something died in there. Get the trash and the recycling out. Make sure bag is fully loaded with snacks, water, and monkey because am planning a quick trip to get xmas shopping done after dropping H off at school. The road to the store is closed, requiring crazy detour with crazy traffic. The store 10 minutes away takes an hour to get to. S is crying because shes sick of being in the car. We get to the store, which feels like an accomplishment in itself- S refused to sit in the cart, and I realize this shopping trip is not gong to go as planned. I buy myself some underwear. Hey, thats not xmas shopping! I can't find the christmas lights and am determined to decorate. I decide to buy some new ones. Money is flying out my ass. (which will at least be adorned by some new underwear!) It takes me WAY too long to decide which xmas lights to buy. I call J to ask him him input, although I know this is stupid. He says he doesn't care, but prefers white. Warm white, he says. Then, "hey, while you're there can you pick me up a space heater? And then you can bring it by the studio!" Wow! Great idea! Ugh. While at the xmas light aisle, I notice I'm not the only one standing there is a daze. There are 5 other woman staring transfixed at the lights, trying to make up their minds. This all of a sudden struck me as hilarious, but they all just swiveled their glazed looks in my direction as I laughed. I'm sure they thought I was nuts trying to make this important decision with a 18moth old who didn't want to be there.

So, I make my way to the space heaters, I've given up on this shopping trip already. I call J, he asks me for product #s! HAHAHA! Pick the one that looks best after explaining theres no way in hell I can find the product numbers while wrangling S and keeping my sanity all at the same time.

After dropping the heater off at Js studio (which is on the way home, after all, not such a major inconvenience) S cries the whole way home. I don't know whats going on with her- well, 4 teeth coming in at once. That'll do it. But incredible, she seems hungry. Its only been and hour and a 1/2 since she has the banana, cereal, waffle and yogurt. We come in, with out taking my jacket off I scramble 4 eggs- 2 for her and 2 for me. She inhales those suckers! Before I'm done with mine, and I'm scarfing em down too.

We rush to go pick up H at school, she's going to a friends house today, drive her over there. Get S down for a nap, which she resists for about 1/2 an hour. Then go to hang up the lights. This requires pruning of bushes and a quick tidying up of the "yard" (its tiny, but over grown) I go the lights up! Yay! I ended up hanging them all with out using a ladder- wondering how many of me neighbors were taking bets on whether I'd fall (they lost, i didn't). Now I need to wake S up so I can go pick H up.

I'm beat! And have ended up dedicating my day to xmas lights. Theres so much I need to get done. But this is what happens- I get side tracked, a thousand times a day. How do I stay focused? How do I get focused?

****
AND upon returning from picking H up at her friends house, I walk in to find the dogs have unzipped her school bag and shredded her lunch box. I picked up the backpack on the way rushing out the door, as 2 other lunch boxes have met this fate- but put the bag back down and forgot it. I remembered before we opened the door, at least, and was able to say to H "theres a very good possibility the dogs have destroyed your lunch box" Yes. Mom knows everything. I called J to see if he could do an emergency lunch box run, as i have already wasted too much time at the store today. He has saved the day. Turns out he could have gotten his own space heater. Ugh. I'm contagious. I am the super hero of time wasting. I will not rest until everyone has squandered their allotted hours.