Mornings

This is the first morning in a long while I've had to finish a cup of coffee sitting down. As opposed to the usual chugging while running out the door. My mornings have been crazy hectic and will continue to be for the foreseeable future- but what a difference it makes to be able to sit and think before jumping into the day.

Our family is divided in half; 2 morning people, 2 non morning people. The morning people have left to go to school and work. S and I, the non morning people, are enjoying a few more minutes of a nice slow morning.

Here we go, Wednesday. I'm ready.

re-entry

Well.
Yes, its been ages. I am standing, boot straps in hand, stiff upper lip, reaching for the oil can.
Starting over. Or at least picking up where I left off.

An egg seems like a fine metaphor for a new beginning. Being that I am so thrilled with these eggs you'd think I laid them myself, I am always looking for an opportunity to show them off. Its new, this egg laying. The first eggs came on Halloween. Trick or Treat! Actually, yes both trick and treat- as 2 of the first 3 were laid in a nest of thorns.

The Witches

The witches are keeping me up at night. H is having a very hard time getting to sleep and a harder time staying asleep. Everything in her room is a witch. The pile of clothes on the floor that never did make it to the hamper despite my multiple pleas. The curtains, the doll house- all witches.

I go up dozens of times after I am officially down stairs after bedtime to stage light different corners of her room and rearrange things that make disagreeable shadows. She can't sleep with the light on either, so then there's that.

Last night she (eventually) went to sleep in our bed- after I rearranged our room and cleared the shadows. We've had a standing agreement that Fridays the girls (although S usually prefers to sleep in her own bed) can go to sleep in "mommy-daddy bed" and J and I transfer them back to their beds when we turn in. Our very narrow hallway is making it increasingly difficult to maneuver a sleeping H through. Last night, however, was Wednesday night. This whole Friday night agreement came to be during a period of time when H couldn't fall asleep in her own room- but the nightly transfer back to her room began to wear J and I down. Last night my justification of amending the only on Friday rule was that she'll be at her grandparents house on Friday so she may as well sleep in our bed on Wednesday. Here we go with the back slide.

Once she is asleep and back in her bed she has been inevitably boomeranging back to our bed at 3 or 4 in the morning. She calls instead of just jumping in- so that jolts me awake- and then she sleeps like a windmill causing J and I to switch into defensive sleep mode, blocking punches.

I do feel for her. I STILL get scared of shadows at times. J hangs his shirts up to dry around our bedroom and they make very imposing silhouettes- so I get it. I make the dogs come with me to the bathroom after watching a scary movie. I spent many a childhood night awake wide eyed in my room frantically thinking good thoughts until I somehow fell asleep.

I am hoping this witchy business is short lived and it is making both of us- all of us- exhausted.

In Progress

Some beginning stages of the 20x20 piece for the Mamacita (W)Holon show.
I'm down to the wire as always, up against the deadline- but that's how I roll.

This piece ventures further into the block as finished piece concept that began with the 4x4 holons for this show. It feels a little strange to post these stages with out having finishing - A little like that dream where you're in school and realize you forgot to put any clothes on.

The sketch

Drawn on wood

Starting the cutting

Detail

Summer Studio

Here we are in the middle of July and I feel I am just starting to get the summer underway. I haven't done work in so long I don't know who I am anymore. I was away for a few days and although things were hardly 'slow' they weren't nearly as fast paced and scattered in all directions as I have become used to. I felt the first glimmer of inspiration which nearly brought me to tears as every time it gets hard I am sure I'll never be inspired again. I get caught up in the running around trying to keep my head above water. I tell myself, my tragic circular flaw, that I can postpone making art- never is a good idea. I know its like eating to me, and I always wonder why I feel like I'm withering when I haven't worked in a while.

With that said, some new goals about spending time in the studio are in place. One day a week when the girls are with my mom- which starts tomorrow- and is a given for studio time. Also H and I will spend the 2 mornings S is in school in the studio. This is not all that productive for me, although I do love to make things with H- but it helps to be in the space and I find I don't get to the studio nearly enough. I may have mentioned in the past how insane what I let pass as being productive these days. Coffee and the newspaper? Productive if I'm in the studio. I will need to edit what passes for productivity- but for now I'm sticking to it. Next goal will be the night time studio hours, but I need to be immersed in something for that to happen. I am hoping to be immersed soon. (Does anyone else make goals to have goals? Perhaps this is part of the problem)

Anyway- as usual, H had a quite productive morning in the studio. I got some thinking done here and there, but mostly I was her assistant. She wanted to make a stuffed animal. Yesterday she drew out the pattern and started sewing, today she finished. She did the pattern and all the sewing- chose the eyes and nose. I cut the pattern out (of some fabulous yellow velvet my mother gave me ages ago from her fabric stash) and sewed on the face. (And untangled, re-threaded and patched some holes.) We are both quite thrilled with the outcome- see for yourself.

Chickens in the house

The chickens have been outside for 4 nights. Every night so far I have had to put them to bed. No, I'm not reading them stories or rocking them- I have been shoving them in their hen house to safety. They prefer to pile up like puppies right up against the gate of their run. Everything I have read, and witnessed- says chickens put themselves to bed inside at dusk. Not these girls.

I don't think I have any chicken eating anything roaming around here, but I'd sure hate to find out the hard way, so into the house they go.

My sister K was here last week, causing our family to gather more frequently than usual, dinners together most nights on my porch- in view of the chickens not going to bed. I found myself chicken wrangling with an audience. And a peanut gallery. I grew less patient nightly, and last night in the heat of taking things personally, groused about how the chickens hate me.

This I have noticed in my brief study of things chicken: I understand why the term 'chicken' is used as to describe one who is fearful. I don't think chickens are afraid- quite brave in certain circumstances- but their reaction to things outside of their norm is with a large degree of skepticism and a dose of jerky comedic gestures. Oh. My. God. Anewwaterdispenser. WHAT.DO.WE.DO?

Tonight I watched. Hopeful as they were going in and out of the house during the day. At dusk they gathered in front of the door of their house and milled about. Calling to mind outside the church before the service starts. One popped in, another followed. One popped out. And so on. Eventually they were all in. I went down and shut their door- they just purred a chicken pur and I imagine cursed me for closing the door on their view. They still sleep in a pile- not a roost as its been suggested they should- but they're in the house. Doing what their supposed to for the most part. Which I find ridiculosly thrilling.

Kindergarten. Check.

Its taken me a while to write about this- the end of Kindergarten. I was so emotional at the start of kindergarten- but I didn't know the full story then. That H would finish kindergarten and that I would find myself equally raw emotioned about that- watching H become even more of herself. H has so much more growing to do- shes doing it so well, I am so proud of her- but what a free fall this growing up is. My heart swells with pride until it aches- I realize I am helpless and along for the ride. I am so proud of my bigger girl and can't wait to see her transformations but can't help clutching her at every step of the way and wanting to bottle her at each moment and keep her forever.